Yesterday, the fiance and I went to our local Western Bagel. I'm a huge fan of the Traditional (minus the capers, yuck!). As we enter the business, my partner holds the door open for a man who looks like he's a bit rushed. An employee offers to take the next customer in line, and my fiance and I (independently, at the same time) gesture with our arms and tell the guy to go in front of us. We hadn't completely decided on what to order yet, so we didn't want to hold up the line. The guy seemed a bit surprised and made his order. We then made ours.
While I waited for our order, I noticed the man had just a turkey sandwich. But as the stranger began to pay for his order, I heard the employee say something about "two traditionals and one lox and cream cheese" (part of our order). I'm not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed sometimes, so the significance eluded me; for the time being, I just thought they were overcharging him. He sat, took about two bites of his sandwich, and then left, not even asking for a to-go box.
Our bagels were ready in a few minutes, so my fiance walked up to help carry the plates to the table while I took care of the bill. As I approached to get rung up, the employees looked at me a little confused. There was a short little discussion amongst themselves in Spanish, but I caught "muchacho". A male friend? An employee explained: "Your friend? The guy? He paid for your order." Now it was my turn to be confused. "Yeah, he paid for everything but the last bagel. $1.46 please." I handed her my card and returned to the table to explain the whole thing to my fiance. Needless to say, he was as surprised as I was.
To that guy, and anyone else who does a kindness for a stranger, keep in mind that you may have just turned someone's day around. While obviously not too poor to go to Western Bagel, money isn't exactly free-flowing for us, or for millions or other Americans. Even the smallest courtesy, favor, or charity can make someone whose life is on the edge have just enough hope to keep going, to keep pushing toward the goal of someday it being better than the day before. Just a compliment can be enough to help someone be able to put one foot in front of the other, even when it feels their feet are encased in concrete. No matter how little you have, you can always at least give someone a compliment. There's a neat warm fuzzy feeling you get when you put a smile on someone's face because of thoughtful words.
The only way out of this economy is if we help each other, through small acts of kindness. A purchased meal, help with household chores, getting together to cook meals for the week, all these things that build community will make it easier for all of us to survive, and survive happily, if we just stop being selfish enough in thinking we don't have the time or the energy. To receive, give. I have never found this to not be true.
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
What Being An Atheist Does (And Does Not) Mean To Me
10 Myths About Atheists, Debunked?
My definition of an atheist: someone who does not believe in any form of deity (god or goddess). Nothing more, nothing less. Unfortunately, there is a lot of misunderstanding, so myths and assumptions abound. I intend to explore and explain a bit about my own version of atheism so people aren't so bound by their preconceptions.
There are no atheists in foxholes.
This is one myth that does need to be debunked, and I have anecdotal evidence of it. Back in 2006, my ex-husband (we'll call him Jack) and I were robbed at home at gunpoint. At one point, one of the robbers pushed on my back to get me down to the floor. There were two thoughts that went through my head:
1) Okay, this is it. I've studied about it in my feminist classes, and now I'm going to get raped. (I didn't.)
2) I really hope my cats don't run out the front door. (The robbers had left it open)
The cats didn't run away. They were under the bed the whole time, even after Jack and I were told to get into the bathroom and wait (a ploy to give the robbers time to escape). God never entered my mind. Not for a second.
Atheist don't have a moral code.
Also a ridiculous myth that needs to be debunked, and related to the idea that atheists have no concept of charity or altruism. The reality is that atheists are willing to admit that morality and altruism have little to do with the inherent goodness in people, and more to do with surviving in this world with minimal difficulty. Read "Superfreakonomics" for a very enlightening discussion on altruism and apathy.
I do not believe there is any form of true altruism. Even Mother Teresa, for all her good works, was still trying to get into heaven. Does this devalue what she did? Of course not, but let's not kid oursevles into thinking that anyone does something for zero gain. There is always gain, even if it's just the warm, fuzzy feeling you get after doing something nice. If you really weren't into the payoff, then why do you get pissed if someone doesn't thank you when you open a door for them? Atheists can have an understanding of the greater good despite not having an almighty Guy-In-The-Sky who dictates it to us. Don't kill, steal, lie? These seem like pretty easy morals to figure out on your own.
For the record, I volunteer to help garden at a local museum. Why? I'm having difficulty finding a job, and figure that spending six months helping older women cut roses might help me get a reference and at least shows I'm not sitting on my butt writing blogs all day. I also go to church and volunteer there; the personal gain there is mostly the warm fuzzies, but also networking.
Atheists don't believe in an afterlife
Also appears as: Atheist don't believe in a soul. Atheism is not nihilism--the negation of an aspect of life that is commonly considered to be meaningful, like morality, religion, or politics. My own judgment is that nihilists tend to believe in nothing; that nothing is meaningful, there is nothing after this life, etc. (Feel free to comment to correct me on this) Atheists aren't like that. I do believe in an afterlife, and I believe in reincarnation. Neither require a god. My afterlife is a huge library where I can spend eternity reading and learning, coming back to earth as many times as necessary to gain perspective. I don't understand why anyone thinks you can learn enough in one lifetime. It would be much more valuable to come back several times, experiencing the perspectives of male, female, black, white, Asian, tribal, rich, poor, starving, etc.
A word about death
My family has a rather unique perspective on death. For us, death is not an ending, simply a change of state, like a solid melting into a liquid. The essence is still there, still existing, it's just the shell that's gone. When people ask me how many siblings I have, I generally stutter. The truth is that I have three siblings - two sisters and a brother. But the two sisters are deceased. Doesn't make it any less true; I still have two sisters. Unfortunately, because our society has a weird discomfort with death, I generally don't mention my sisters, out of respect for other people's comfort levels. I'll talk about them to anyone who asks, and while I'm sad, I realize that I'm sad for myself, that I didn't have a chance to get to know them as they grew up, not sad for them because they are dead. Consider this my coping mechanism, instead of the idea that I'll meet my sisters again in some version of the Elysian Fields.
Atheists aren't educated about religion
Something that never ceases to amaze me is how little people assume atheists know about their religion. I've taken two university courses on the Bible and religion. I've practiced Ramadan, and celebrated Eid with the local Muslim community. I done some very cursory studies of Buddhism, Shinto, and Hinduism. For my personal beliefs, I've taken bits and pieces from them all and added in some of my own elements (see my version of the afterlife). Atheists are often very educated on religions; they have to be. When you're constantly confronted with "But the Bible says this!", you're only defense is to be more knowledgeable. Does it work? Sometimes, but usually not. The funny thing about beliefs is that people are very unwilling to change them, even when confronted with the text of their own religion.
Story time
Three women stood at the base a very tall mountain. One was a rather large woman, with no experience hiking. One was a mom who'd done some rock crawling in her younger days. The third was a very experienced climber. Each decided to set off on her own.
The large woman came upon a very easy trail, with a very slight incline. She couldn't see the other women, and thought to herself, "Wow! I've got the best trail! I'll be the first to reach the top!"
The mom came upon another trail, this one requiring a few jumps and a little bit of rock climbing. She was excited, and since she couldn't see the other women either, she thought to herself, "Wow! This trail is perfect! Surely I'll get to the summit first."
The climber came upon a sheer cliff. Her face lit up as she began scaling the wall. Like the other women, she couldn't see her partners, and thought to herself, "Awesome! This rockface is the best I've ever climbed! I'll get to the top in no time at all!"
When the climber reached the top, she was shocked. Each of the women arrived at the top at the exact same time, because each of the paths had slowed them down exactly the same, according to each woman's abilities.
My definition of an atheist: someone who does not believe in any form of deity (god or goddess). Nothing more, nothing less. Unfortunately, there is a lot of misunderstanding, so myths and assumptions abound. I intend to explore and explain a bit about my own version of atheism so people aren't so bound by their preconceptions.
There are no atheists in foxholes.
This is one myth that does need to be debunked, and I have anecdotal evidence of it. Back in 2006, my ex-husband (we'll call him Jack) and I were robbed at home at gunpoint. At one point, one of the robbers pushed on my back to get me down to the floor. There were two thoughts that went through my head:
1) Okay, this is it. I've studied about it in my feminist classes, and now I'm going to get raped. (I didn't.)
2) I really hope my cats don't run out the front door. (The robbers had left it open)
The cats didn't run away. They were under the bed the whole time, even after Jack and I were told to get into the bathroom and wait (a ploy to give the robbers time to escape). God never entered my mind. Not for a second.
Atheist don't have a moral code.
Also a ridiculous myth that needs to be debunked, and related to the idea that atheists have no concept of charity or altruism. The reality is that atheists are willing to admit that morality and altruism have little to do with the inherent goodness in people, and more to do with surviving in this world with minimal difficulty. Read "Superfreakonomics" for a very enlightening discussion on altruism and apathy.
I do not believe there is any form of true altruism. Even Mother Teresa, for all her good works, was still trying to get into heaven. Does this devalue what she did? Of course not, but let's not kid oursevles into thinking that anyone does something for zero gain. There is always gain, even if it's just the warm, fuzzy feeling you get after doing something nice. If you really weren't into the payoff, then why do you get pissed if someone doesn't thank you when you open a door for them? Atheists can have an understanding of the greater good despite not having an almighty Guy-In-The-Sky who dictates it to us. Don't kill, steal, lie? These seem like pretty easy morals to figure out on your own.
For the record, I volunteer to help garden at a local museum. Why? I'm having difficulty finding a job, and figure that spending six months helping older women cut roses might help me get a reference and at least shows I'm not sitting on my butt writing blogs all day. I also go to church and volunteer there; the personal gain there is mostly the warm fuzzies, but also networking.
Atheists don't believe in an afterlife
Also appears as: Atheist don't believe in a soul. Atheism is not nihilism--the negation of an aspect of life that is commonly considered to be meaningful, like morality, religion, or politics. My own judgment is that nihilists tend to believe in nothing; that nothing is meaningful, there is nothing after this life, etc. (Feel free to comment to correct me on this) Atheists aren't like that. I do believe in an afterlife, and I believe in reincarnation. Neither require a god. My afterlife is a huge library where I can spend eternity reading and learning, coming back to earth as many times as necessary to gain perspective. I don't understand why anyone thinks you can learn enough in one lifetime. It would be much more valuable to come back several times, experiencing the perspectives of male, female, black, white, Asian, tribal, rich, poor, starving, etc.
A word about death
My family has a rather unique perspective on death. For us, death is not an ending, simply a change of state, like a solid melting into a liquid. The essence is still there, still existing, it's just the shell that's gone. When people ask me how many siblings I have, I generally stutter. The truth is that I have three siblings - two sisters and a brother. But the two sisters are deceased. Doesn't make it any less true; I still have two sisters. Unfortunately, because our society has a weird discomfort with death, I generally don't mention my sisters, out of respect for other people's comfort levels. I'll talk about them to anyone who asks, and while I'm sad, I realize that I'm sad for myself, that I didn't have a chance to get to know them as they grew up, not sad for them because they are dead. Consider this my coping mechanism, instead of the idea that I'll meet my sisters again in some version of the Elysian Fields.
Atheists aren't educated about religion
Something that never ceases to amaze me is how little people assume atheists know about their religion. I've taken two university courses on the Bible and religion. I've practiced Ramadan, and celebrated Eid with the local Muslim community. I done some very cursory studies of Buddhism, Shinto, and Hinduism. For my personal beliefs, I've taken bits and pieces from them all and added in some of my own elements (see my version of the afterlife). Atheists are often very educated on religions; they have to be. When you're constantly confronted with "But the Bible says this!", you're only defense is to be more knowledgeable. Does it work? Sometimes, but usually not. The funny thing about beliefs is that people are very unwilling to change them, even when confronted with the text of their own religion.
Story time
Three women stood at the base a very tall mountain. One was a rather large woman, with no experience hiking. One was a mom who'd done some rock crawling in her younger days. The third was a very experienced climber. Each decided to set off on her own.
The large woman came upon a very easy trail, with a very slight incline. She couldn't see the other women, and thought to herself, "Wow! I've got the best trail! I'll be the first to reach the top!"
The mom came upon another trail, this one requiring a few jumps and a little bit of rock climbing. She was excited, and since she couldn't see the other women either, she thought to herself, "Wow! This trail is perfect! Surely I'll get to the summit first."
The climber came upon a sheer cliff. Her face lit up as she began scaling the wall. Like the other women, she couldn't see her partners, and thought to herself, "Awesome! This rockface is the best I've ever climbed! I'll get to the top in no time at all!"
When the climber reached the top, she was shocked. Each of the women arrived at the top at the exact same time, because each of the paths had slowed them down exactly the same, according to each woman's abilities.
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