DADT Repealed; We're Not Done Yet

Obama tells gay activists that he is committed to equality (CNN).

I didn't post or comment on the repeal of DADT on Tuesday this week, because while parts of the world celebrated as this U.S. soldier came out to his dad, other parts of the world mourned after a 14-year-old teen committed suicide last weekend. The teen had made a video that is part of the "It's Get Better" series, which features the message to gay teens that it will get better as they get older, so they have hope to hang in there. It didn't get better quick enough for Randy.

Or Matthew Shepard. Or Brandon Teena. It hasn't been quick enough for countless teens for whom the thought of going to school makes their insides do flip-flops and their palms sweaty and their brains empty. How can you go to school and concentrate on the material when you're looking at the clock counting down the minutes to your next beating?

We're all smart. Everyone last one of us. You can't question your sexuality for very long without getting into some serious existential philosophical arguments with yourself. For some of us, we never stop questioning. On occasion, I try to convince myself that no, I'm not really bisexual, I'm just kidding myself. And the latest cosplay thread on Fark pops up and I realize that I'm doomed to a lifetime of getting turned on by women.

It's not my choice. I can't help that I have the same sex drive as a man, including the object of that drive. And besides, who would choose this? Who would consciously choose to subject themselves to a lifetime of ridicule? How important, how monumental, how massive, must an issue be, that people are willing to sacrifice their livelihoods, their families, their friends, everything, just to be able to feel the freedom to be who they are inside? How sweet must that taste, to finally come out of that closet and breathe that air and see those lights and know that somewhere, out there, you belong.

I got really lucky. With few exceptions, my family is overwhelmingly supportive of who I am. But others aren't so lucky. We need to teach our children that it is not okay to bully someone. It is not okay for adults to bully someone either, so parents must hold themselves to a higher standard. Playground hijinks are one thing. But the constant, day-to-day terrorist threat of bullying that goes on in our schools, our media, our government, must stop. If we expect our children to do well in school, the first thing we have to do is give them safety and freedom. It gets better, but it is our responsibility to make sure that in the future, it doesn't have to.

The Media Finally Gets One Right

The article: Chaz Bono Competes on Dancing With The Stars

If you're raising your eyebrows at me, don't worry. I'm not a Dancing With The Stars fan, or a fan of Cher, or anything else. But did you notice the consistent use of "he" throughout the article? Yeah, if you're the average straight person, chances are you didn't.

If you're alternatively gendered/sexed, I'll bet you caught it.

Source: Yahoo!

News about Thomas Beatie, a man who became pregnant, first hit the shelves in 2008. I remember listening to my co-workers at the time; many of them were insulted that the media referred to Mr. Beatie as a man, stating that "so long as he has woman parts, he's a woman."

In feminist theory there is an acknowledgement that to be is to be perceived. I could climb to the top of the Empire State building, proclaim myself Spiderman, but that no more makes me Spiderman than calling an apple an orange makes the apple taste like an orange.

To identify as something requires a bit of a push-pull with others. How do you know you are a woman or a man? Because you have the attributes of what you AND other people consider to be "womanly" or "manly." For those who chose (and in some cases even when they don't choose) to take the label of man or woman but fail to meet social expectations, the consequences can be deadly.

Brandon Teena

Source: ChristopherBoe

But to identify as something is also a basic human right. To be able to claim that "I am" is fundamental to Western cultures. And yet, when confronted with a female-born man, culture consistently denies these humans that basic right of self-identification: I cannot be me, unless you also agree that I am me.

Here are my guidelines. I'm sure there are those who feel differently:

If you are referring to a crossdresser or drag queen - when referring to the person who is in character, use the pronoun of the character. If Ru Paul is in drag, then she is fabulous. When Ru Paul is out of drag, he's still a great actor.

When referring to a transgendered person - Once the person is confident enough to say "I am", then respect the gender the person is transitioning to. In Chaz Bono's case, once he decided to become a man, all future references should change to the male pronoun. To refuse to do so denies those people the right to exist.

How would you like it if suddenly a good portion of the country decided you didn't exist?

For the zhes, s/hes, and others - At the risk of getting overly complicated (really, people, there is a reason why LGBTQRXYZ is jokingly called "alphabet soup" in the gay community), we really should try to be respectful of people's self-labelling. But alternatively gendered folks should be patient too. We've barely just gotten far enough that news media is finally calling a transgendered man a he! Give it some time before you start throwing third genders and genderqueer issues at them.

My one critique of the Yahoo! article is that they never mention why Chaz's beard would be important to him or why he's particularly famous. To someone who isn't familiar with the backstory, the article would seem confusing. While they did well in using the male pronoun throughout, they slipped a bit in failing to address the issue in a clear, direct manner.